i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
