I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
