I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
This house was built for laser tag.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
