...so i touched it.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
