I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
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bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
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It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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