Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
