is your mom at the bar?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
