i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
