Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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