So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
