i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
