Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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