Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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