upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
