Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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