i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
