when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
