So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
