I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
