It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
