I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
