well you can't waste a boner
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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