Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
