I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I party with great urgency now.
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