I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
