I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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