i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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