i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
