i just google imaged poop.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
