Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Two words: nipple clamps
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