If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
