i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
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My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
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I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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