He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
