did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
