He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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