Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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