I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
