I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
