take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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