Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
