Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
