Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
