god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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