u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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