your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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