You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
