sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The chlamydia really affected his face.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
