matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
