Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
