I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
