he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
