Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
