I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
