I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
