it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
