i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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