I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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