I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
