just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
