my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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