I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
