It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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