I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
