so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
