your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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