I wish I could teleport
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
