I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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