In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
