upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize