in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
