so explain again why im purple
no
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
