So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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