so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
