I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
