So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
