Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
